I’ve made radical changes to my life in the past year. It feels like I’m finally growing up, finally solving my problems, finally learning to create my own life. I wasn’t always this brave.
For my entire adult life, I’ve been trying to improve. I’ve made lists of things I don’t like about myself and made commitments to improve the most important parts. I had big dreams and tried to aim for them. But in the end, I never stayed on any course longer than a few days. Quitting was the game and I was a master. I quit many jobs, always feeling like I didn’t belong. I quit relationships too, without knowing it at the time.
Then came my daughter. Children don’t do as you say, they do as you do. If I quit, I teach my child to quit. I don’t want her to live the life I have lived, quitting everything of importance. I want to be a role model that I can be proud of.
Quitting is no longer an option.
Two years ago I learned about Live Your Legend. The main idea is that everyone can have a job that excites them and the key is to do work that matters. That definitely rang a bell with me because I have quit jobs that felt meaningless. I now know that everyone can do work that matters, including me, and quitting is no longer an option. I will not quit until I find work that suits me, work that makes me proud, work that I can happily model for my children.
Two years ago I learned about unschooling. The main idea is that children will learn all the important things they need to learn in order to function as adults in their own culture, especially without adults trying to force this knowledge onto them. The practice of unschooling usually results in free-thinking, strong, confident and motivated individuals. This is what I want for my children, and quitting is no longer an option. No matter what obstacles come in my way, I will unschool my children. It doesn’t even matter that it’s illegal where we live right now, we’ll simply move elsewhere. I will not quit until I can raise my children in the best way I know of, so that I can proudly say “I did everything I could,” and really mean it.
When you can’t quit, you have to be brave
I’m proud about the courage I have found deep within. This new-found courage helped me get my current job. It’s not quite my dream job, but it’s entirely remote, I choose my own hours, and the pay is enough for us to both live and save some for our future home.
This courage helped me contact strangers to buy a trailer. It helped me sell the apartment and move my entire family into a tiny home. It’s helping me almost daily with the challenges of living in a really old trailer without a driver’s licence.
Most of all, it helps me be the role model I want to be. I model courage when I bring my daughter to knock on strangers’ doors and ask if they want to come out and play.
Courage is not to be fearless.
Courage is to be scared shitless and still power through.